So, as of today, Carlo is no longer a direct colleague in our department anymore. And as soon as he left, Wolfgang decided to take his luxery chair. The corpse has barely turned cold and already the vultures are landing !!
I took his mouse. Hey, it's black. And I put my grey one back on his own computer.
NOBODY wants his computer. It's a piece of shit. So yeah, we'll still have a work station available to any new employees.
It's funny how corporate environments work when it comes to office supplies etc. - People can be obsessive about their staplers. Or practically RUN towards the new supplies when they come in because they ordered a phone headset. Some people collect binder clips that they hang up in their cubicle as decoration. Others proudly display a 'screen raising set' which is some kind of Lego-like thing that you assemble and it raises your screen a bit higher. Once someone leaves, everyone JUMPS to his supplies like broke, dead-beat heirs after their great-great-uncle dies. People will bash each others heads in for an audio cable, man ! I kid you not !!
And this doesn't just limit itself to geeks, either. My dad (who's not a geek - he may be a dork, but he definately lacks the level of technical skill to be a proper geek) once proudly brought a whole box of office supplies home once when the office he was working at closed and he was transferred to a different building. He even unpacked it to show us what he'd obtained in the apparent chaos run for supplies, and decked out our kitchen table with rolls of scotch tape, little padlocks with keys, rulers, pens, tons of pens in fact, paperclips, even a big inkpad with a stamp. The stamp was useless now because it displayed a text unique to his now defunct department, but he claimed that that could always be replaced by something useful, it's the stamp itself and the ink pad that were useful. Of course he never replaced the text. The ink went dry and everything. He never used most of the other stuff, either. Kind of like some other time when he brought home an intercom system that his office was going to throw out. He was going to install it. I guess, in the end, he was happy enough just with the fact that he HAD it, because it just sat in our hallway closet and collected dust for years.
Perhaps that's what they mean when people say it's the little things that make life worthwhile.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Monday, October 27, 2003
Alright, three and a half more days (at work).
Turns out most of the things that will cause the upcoming hellish period for our department are being escalated and perhaps even fixed on time, so I'm feeling a lot less guilty about bailing out for three weeks. Contrary to the belief of some of my coworkers we're still not quite the Titanic, then. Good to know. I'd like to come back to something that's still afloat.
Postponed my dentist appointment by a week since I'll be in Philly. Notified my folks that I won't be home. Told Vik so he'd remember to take care of the cats n stuff. Asked Tom to be the technical backup for Probeersel in case something crashes or whatever in my absence. Put up a backstash of Worst Case Scenario that lasts right up to and including the day of my return, and just had an idea for one for the next day, so that should be fine. Grim DotCom is still taken care of until the second week of the new year. Notified people online. Matt & Justin from RWWR might come and hang out with me while I'm there, which could be fun. Sionnain is looking into visiting Philly, too. Then again, her journal states she also wants to go to Holland. She's gonna sell rocks to fund all this. 'People like rocks'. *chuckles*
We even brainstormed about naming the concept the I-rock. You know, like rocks that say 'I rock'. It's genius, man. (writing it here to prove we thought of it first !! Don't even try to steal the concept !)
So yeah.. it's starting to look like I'm all set. Just need to finish the half year report for Probeersel.com and upload it on the 1st, buy a scarf (since my old and very good one was flea-infested a few months ago and I threw it out, and it will still be reasonably cold there, as it is over here), I have to pack, I have to code a temporary solution so all the other artists can update news and Joep can manage the Worst Case Scenario episodes, and that should be about it.
Wow.
Vacation.
I can barely believe it, myself ;)
René out - I have some actual work to do, and in between I want to muse some more about actually going on vacation. Later folks.
Postponed my dentist appointment by a week since I'll be in Philly. Notified my folks that I won't be home. Told Vik so he'd remember to take care of the cats n stuff. Asked Tom to be the technical backup for Probeersel in case something crashes or whatever in my absence. Put up a backstash of Worst Case Scenario that lasts right up to and including the day of my return, and just had an idea for one for the next day, so that should be fine. Grim DotCom is still taken care of until the second week of the new year. Notified people online. Matt & Justin from RWWR might come and hang out with me while I'm there, which could be fun. Sionnain is looking into visiting Philly, too. Then again, her journal states she also wants to go to Holland. She's gonna sell rocks to fund all this. 'People like rocks'. *chuckles*
We even brainstormed about naming the concept the I-rock. You know, like rocks that say 'I rock'. It's genius, man. (writing it here to prove we thought of it first !! Don't even try to steal the concept !)
So yeah.. it's starting to look like I'm all set. Just need to finish the half year report for Probeersel.com and upload it on the 1st, buy a scarf (since my old and very good one was flea-infested a few months ago and I threw it out, and it will still be reasonably cold there, as it is over here), I have to pack, I have to code a temporary solution so all the other artists can update news and Joep can manage the Worst Case Scenario episodes, and that should be about it.
Wow.
Vacation.
I can barely believe it, myself ;)
René out - I have some actual work to do, and in between I want to muse some more about actually going on vacation. Later folks.
Saturday, October 25, 2003
And as for the Fokke&Sukke parody...
since I'm probably not posting anything interesting today (I will be sleeping in, then confirming my flight and probably paying for the damn thing, then I'm going to have to send off some cheques that'll transfer money from my savings account into my checkings account in order for it to be available to me once I'm in Philly, I'll be drawing some more on the backstash for Worst Case Scenario for the time I'll be gone, and in the evening I'll be attending Joris' birthday) I decided to put up the previously mentioned Worst Case Scenario episode, for those who were interested.
Friday, October 24, 2003
Title Left Intentionally Blank
What can I say ? I just want to see this again.
So I leave Nov 02, 2003 and am planned to go back home again the 15th (arrival in the Netherlands the 16th). Which'll leave me another week to do whatever I want at home before having to get back to work..
Special thanks to Kelly who found me a relatively cheap hostel there, because otherwise I might have very seriously reconsidered this idea and probably never followed up on it. In case anyone out there mistakenly thinks I'm being brave or whatever.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
It's Official..
I asked my boss flat-out if my request for time off was approved - especially after seeing how many of our important projects are currently going to hell. I expect all hell to break loose around the time that I would be out of the office, and there'd be little to nothing I would be able to do about it, so it would only make me very miserable to be in the office around that time.
Guess what ?
Guess what ?
HE SAID YES.
I guess that makes it official: if I don't at least try to find out if going to Philly is pheasable, tomorrow, I am a complete chickenshit who wallows in self misery without doing something about it.
Guess I better set my alarm clock tonight.
Thank God For Libraries
Today's 'Worst Case Scenario' showed a broken image. I didn't discover this until I was at work - and the proxies here don't allow me to update the storage files system I built for probeersel.com. So I wouldn't be able to fix the problem until I got home, which would be at 8 o'clock tonight... needless to say, I spent every moment I could spare trying to come up with a solution - including pestering Joep who brought his laptop with him. However, his modem wouldn't dial in so that didn't work either. It suddenly hit me, when I couldn't find any nearby internet cafés in the phonebook, that libaries often have internet services too. So I found one that's practically around the corner, and in a total of ten minutes later (6 of which were for walking over to there and back) the problem was fixed. I am a happy camper again - the only one reporting the problem was my buddy Tom, so I don't think it bothered too many of our readers yet.
Anywho, back to work (yes, I've actually got a few things to do - though not too many).
Anywho, back to work (yes, I've actually got a few things to do - though not too many).
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
You know it's a bad morning when...
So I wake up after sleeping on the train - you see, I sleep on the train as part of my being 'flexible'. My daily schedule conflicts with the amount of sleep I need since there's only 24 hours in a day, so I catch up with little naps on trains and such. My eyes open and there's this beautiful woman right across from me - I'm not talking 'just' sexy, cute or whatever, but 'supermodel-stunning'. Like, wowsah. The kind of woman that'll make your jaw hit the ground. Gorgeous long blond hair, face of an angel, well-dressed in a not TOO corporate way, and no rings.
So what's bad about this morning ? That the thing that woke me up was the conductor announcing over the speaker that we'd arrived at my office's station and I needed to get off the train.
Ahwell. Having a bad hair day anyway ;)
Drank several cups of coffee so far just to get my brain to start SOME chemical processes, and there's yet again ZILCH to do. I had ONE email - and the person who sent that also called immediately after to assure the news message would be pasted on his website as soon as possible. And since I'm pretty good at my job, two minutes later I sent off a message saying it was on his website and on its way to the live server. It's starting to look like that pretty much summed up the morning of my working day. Why do I even bother trying to get up on time ? I should indulge my tendency to oversleep, more often, really. Especially on weeks like these. Almost did, too - the alarm went off and I spent a few minutes debating internally to try and spur myself to leave the warm, comfy dreamworld of being under the covers and venture out into the cold, harsh reality yet again, and just as I was about to get up, my cat Damien jumps on my back and makes himself comfortable to sleep there. In case you don't have cats: it's a reasonably pleasant, warm feeling and your first impulse is to prefer falling asleep for another wile like that, instead of throwing the cat off and start walking zombie-style through the house, going through the routines of finding and putting on clothes and brushing your teeth and whatnot.
So after doing my full two minutes of work, I made my 'rounds' on the WWW, and found nothing much had been updated since last time I checked several of my favourite sites. So now I'm bored out of my wits. Hence the blogpost. What makes it even worse is that now that I've written all this, I can't think of anything more to write here, so that's that, too.
Think I might draw for a bit. We'll see. René out.
So what's bad about this morning ? That the thing that woke me up was the conductor announcing over the speaker that we'd arrived at my office's station and I needed to get off the train.
Ahwell. Having a bad hair day anyway ;)
Drank several cups of coffee so far just to get my brain to start SOME chemical processes, and there's yet again ZILCH to do. I had ONE email - and the person who sent that also called immediately after to assure the news message would be pasted on his website as soon as possible. And since I'm pretty good at my job, two minutes later I sent off a message saying it was on his website and on its way to the live server. It's starting to look like that pretty much summed up the morning of my working day. Why do I even bother trying to get up on time ? I should indulge my tendency to oversleep, more often, really. Especially on weeks like these. Almost did, too - the alarm went off and I spent a few minutes debating internally to try and spur myself to leave the warm, comfy dreamworld of being under the covers and venture out into the cold, harsh reality yet again, and just as I was about to get up, my cat Damien jumps on my back and makes himself comfortable to sleep there. In case you don't have cats: it's a reasonably pleasant, warm feeling and your first impulse is to prefer falling asleep for another wile like that, instead of throwing the cat off and start walking zombie-style through the house, going through the routines of finding and putting on clothes and brushing your teeth and whatnot.
So after doing my full two minutes of work, I made my 'rounds' on the WWW, and found nothing much had been updated since last time I checked several of my favourite sites. So now I'm bored out of my wits. Hence the blogpost. What makes it even worse is that now that I've written all this, I can't think of anything more to write here, so that's that, too.
Think I might draw for a bit. We'll see. René out.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Can't Let This Day Pass Without A Post...
So yeah, yesterday sucked and a lot about today sucked too, but all in all it somehow was a better day than the previous one. I've also been kept a slight bit more busy - not by much, but enough to not get round to posting a blog entry for today from work. So I'm doing that now.
The bad news I was told yesterday isn't TOO bad anymore today on account of that the person it involves is ok with it. That makes it a slight bit easier to bear. And I don't think I have to cancel my vacation or postpone it or anything. But we'll see.
Got home a little late, which is the railroad company's fault combined with a departemental drink. Scanned another few episodes of Worst Case Scenario - that backstash should be growing. Why doesn't it seem to be ? Damn daily comics... And next saturday's episode is our take on the Dutch - and awesome - cartoons of Fokke&Sukke, so I emailed the creators to point that out to them. Jean-Marc van Tol emailed back, and he was really cool about it which kicked ass :) I've been in touch with several cartoonists and comic artists that I admire in my short time of running probeersel.com so far, but it never really gets old. Artists who rule who email me will always brighten my day - famous or not ! Which reminds me, I still have to go catch a beer sometime with that Miguel guy. I found a drawing by him in Cul de Sac and tried to find him, a few weeks back. His rough sketches clearly revealed that he is an Arist Who Rules - a mix between Don Bluth and Franquin. I couldn't track him down successfully, but I'm kind of a semi-somebody in that bar so the bartenders there voluntarily kept an eye out for him and told him to contact me. So he did :) :) This is a short while ago now, but it still rules.
Anyway, my body's desperate for a shower and the face needs a good shave, and besides I don't really have anything very insightful to spill today, so I'll keep it at this. René out.
The bad news I was told yesterday isn't TOO bad anymore today on account of that the person it involves is ok with it. That makes it a slight bit easier to bear. And I don't think I have to cancel my vacation or postpone it or anything. But we'll see.
Got home a little late, which is the railroad company's fault combined with a departemental drink. Scanned another few episodes of Worst Case Scenario - that backstash should be growing. Why doesn't it seem to be ? Damn daily comics... And next saturday's episode is our take on the Dutch - and awesome - cartoons of Fokke&Sukke, so I emailed the creators to point that out to them. Jean-Marc van Tol emailed back, and he was really cool about it which kicked ass :) I've been in touch with several cartoonists and comic artists that I admire in my short time of running probeersel.com so far, but it never really gets old. Artists who rule who email me will always brighten my day - famous or not ! Which reminds me, I still have to go catch a beer sometime with that Miguel guy. I found a drawing by him in Cul de Sac and tried to find him, a few weeks back. His rough sketches clearly revealed that he is an Arist Who Rules - a mix between Don Bluth and Franquin. I couldn't track him down successfully, but I'm kind of a semi-somebody in that bar so the bartenders there voluntarily kept an eye out for him and told him to contact me. So he did :) :) This is a short while ago now, but it still rules.
Anyway, my body's desperate for a shower and the face needs a good shave, and besides I don't really have anything very insightful to spill today, so I'll keep it at this. René out.
Monday, October 20, 2003
There's nothing wrong with slave labour.
Yeah, so after my last post a few actually interesting little assignments oozed their way into my mailbox, so what ? And so what if they ended up taking so much of my time that I didn't get to go home till 8 (instead of 6 which is the more common end of my working day). And so what if I ended up drawing five episodes of Worst Case Scenario ? I'm still in a bad mood, damnit, and now I'm tired to boot.
My pizza's ready. I need food. Don't know what I'll do after that but I'm reasonably sure it'll involve liquor. And perhaps some sleep. Who knows.
René out.
My pizza's ready. I need food. Don't know what I'll do after that but I'm reasonably sure it'll involve liquor. And perhaps some sleep. Who knows.
René out.
"Read My Lips: No More Vacation !"
Well, so I requested the time off, and of course, there are things going on that might undermine it. I should have expected that - certainty is one thing our department never has much in stock. I'll hear more in a few days - for now, the answer is 'yes unless we decide against it after all'.
New policy, too: we are to request this at least a month in advance, preferably two, and half a year if we were to follow the ING's standards. We never did, before, so yeah. I'm not quite happy and the only thing that stopped me from speaking up is that I heard a few of the things that were involved in their decision. I'm not happy with those, either. And I have to keep them quiet which is worse, because this is something that will really ruin the department's morale for a while. I need time off more badly than I've ever needed it before. If I was smart I'd give them my one month's notice and move on. Or take some risks and try something new. I dunno. I think it's unfair that my request - though admittedly filed late - is balancing on a yes/no wire, and I think it's even more unfair what's going on, let alone that it's been put on my shoulder to keep a lid on it.
*sighs* I wish I was home. I could use a drink right about now.
Guess I'll have to settle for some coffee and a cigarette. Just realised: I never even liked coffee until a few weeks ago.
Gonna go for a walk and get me some of each.
New policy, too: we are to request this at least a month in advance, preferably two, and half a year if we were to follow the ING's standards. We never did, before, so yeah. I'm not quite happy and the only thing that stopped me from speaking up is that I heard a few of the things that were involved in their decision. I'm not happy with those, either. And I have to keep them quiet which is worse, because this is something that will really ruin the department's morale for a while. I need time off more badly than I've ever needed it before. If I was smart I'd give them my one month's notice and move on. Or take some risks and try something new. I dunno. I think it's unfair that my request - though admittedly filed late - is balancing on a yes/no wire, and I think it's even more unfair what's going on, let alone that it's been put on my shoulder to keep a lid on it.
*sighs* I wish I was home. I could use a drink right about now.
Guess I'll have to settle for some coffee and a cigarette. Just realised: I never even liked coffee until a few weeks ago.
Gonna go for a walk and get me some of each.
Another day, another cup of coffee...
Well, I've decided to do something reasonably bold - at least for my standards: I'm taking three weeks in a row off. Not just now, but starting the week after next one. I haven't taken this kind of bulk of days off since I went to visit my canadian ex-gf for a month at the end of 2001. In two years' time, I haven't taken more than a week in a row offtime (due to colleague's vacations and me being the flexible nice guy who doesn't care when he has time off), and always to work on either the Probeersel books or on the site. I think it's time for a real break for once - although, admittedly, I will probably use the time to catch up with my drawing schedule. And I found out I have a dental appointment exactly halfway this period - though I'm sure I could reschedule that. My point being, I might not be taking too much time off as in travelling. Then again, why the hell not ?
*Begins to daydream a bit* I wonder what Philadelphia looks like in November. I should visit my travel agent next Friday. It'd be nice to go there again after nearly five years. Of course, depending mostly on the costs - after the second edition of the Probeersel.com t-shirts, as well as having celebrated my birthday by making all drinks in the bar that evening on me, I should kind of save some money back.
We'll see. Either way, I think I could use the time to do something new for a bit. The rut is rotting me away.
*Begins to daydream a bit* I wonder what Philadelphia looks like in November. I should visit my travel agent next Friday. It'd be nice to go there again after nearly five years. Of course, depending mostly on the costs - after the second edition of the Probeersel.com t-shirts, as well as having celebrated my birthday by making all drinks in the bar that evening on me, I should kind of save some money back.
We'll see. Either way, I think I could use the time to do something new for a bit. The rut is rotting me away.
From The North Sea With Love
The North Sea sends its love. He's doing well, all things considered. But hey, who isn't getting ill these days ? Lord knows I'm getting older, too..
It was great seeing him again. I just walked out on the beach and just stood there while he touched my shoes. I'm not sure how long I stood there just admiring the magnificence of the sea, but at some point it was getting pretty chilly - and I was getting annoyed with all the other people walking their dogs and kids, and the kites flying around at dangerous speeds and occasionally crashing down on people (I kid you not, some guy got this kite at full speed on his foot. It would have landed on his head if he hadn't at least use that fraction of that second to start moving out of its way). What's wrong with people ? Is seeing the sea not recreation enough ? Is it not an awe-inspiring experience enough that you need to bring your dog so he can chase after balls and pee against poles on the beach ? (I'm referring to the tall wooden things, not actual inhabitants of Poland, for anyone who interprets this otherwise, here.)
Read Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby during the excruciatingly long and difficult train rides, because this country was, once again, torn up in terms of public transportation, of course mainly in the very direction I wanted to go, on the very day I decided to venture out. I was of course not deterred - you can't live in Tilburg and work in Amsterdam for over three years without becoming somewhat of a train veteran and knowing every alternative route to get where you want no matter how bad the circumstances.. at least, you can't if you're me. In any case, I had Lullaby with me, compliments of Joris, a friend who is always interested in exchanging cultural experiences.
It was good, though it kind of struck me as a mix of Jack Kerouac, Stephen King, and a few leftover ideas from Fight Club (Also by Palahniuk), but I'm spoiled - I'm used now to John Fowles, who, as far as I'm concerned, remains the undefeated number one english novelist in the World. But I'm sure I'll mention him again later.
Also rewatched The People vs. Larry Flynt. It made me remember cheering when Probeersel.com got its first religious freak response a short while back. It's sad that people are so hung up on their, to me, misguided religious and moral beliefs, but hey, to each their own, and they have every right to state whatever misguided opinions they have - as do I and any of the other Probeersel artists. I believe his exact words were 'I hope god strikes you down!' - how can that not crack you up ? But besides that, I believe religious and moralistic opposition means people take you seriously enough to pay at least a little bit of attention. Why else would they state such things ? More, more ! Call me a heathen, a sinner, the Devil himself with a Dutch passport ! As long as people actually pay attention, 'coz I believe we're all doing something interesting here.
And what do you have to lose with paying attention ? The comics are free. Hell, even the t-shirts are free, I'm paying for it all ! Just so people pay attention to what I, Gregory, Sionnain, Satan, Joep are doing. I think we're all doing fairly interesting stuff that shouldn't go by unnoticed. So please, critisize us, call us the scum of the earth, mock us, parody us... knock yourself out. It'd be a waste of my money if you guys didn't.
In any case, I had my nice peaceful day with my good old friend, who is sure to survive me and millions of other young, creatively ambitious souls to follow in my footsteps. I'm glad he calls me. He is strong, beautiful, timeless, and I'm always welcome to visit. Can't claim the same of most of my other friends - can you ?
It was great seeing him again. I just walked out on the beach and just stood there while he touched my shoes. I'm not sure how long I stood there just admiring the magnificence of the sea, but at some point it was getting pretty chilly - and I was getting annoyed with all the other people walking their dogs and kids, and the kites flying around at dangerous speeds and occasionally crashing down on people (I kid you not, some guy got this kite at full speed on his foot. It would have landed on his head if he hadn't at least use that fraction of that second to start moving out of its way). What's wrong with people ? Is seeing the sea not recreation enough ? Is it not an awe-inspiring experience enough that you need to bring your dog so he can chase after balls and pee against poles on the beach ? (I'm referring to the tall wooden things, not actual inhabitants of Poland, for anyone who interprets this otherwise, here.)
Read Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby during the excruciatingly long and difficult train rides, because this country was, once again, torn up in terms of public transportation, of course mainly in the very direction I wanted to go, on the very day I decided to venture out. I was of course not deterred - you can't live in Tilburg and work in Amsterdam for over three years without becoming somewhat of a train veteran and knowing every alternative route to get where you want no matter how bad the circumstances.. at least, you can't if you're me. In any case, I had Lullaby with me, compliments of Joris, a friend who is always interested in exchanging cultural experiences.
It was good, though it kind of struck me as a mix of Jack Kerouac, Stephen King, and a few leftover ideas from Fight Club (Also by Palahniuk), but I'm spoiled - I'm used now to John Fowles, who, as far as I'm concerned, remains the undefeated number one english novelist in the World. But I'm sure I'll mention him again later.
Also rewatched The People vs. Larry Flynt. It made me remember cheering when Probeersel.com got its first religious freak response a short while back. It's sad that people are so hung up on their, to me, misguided religious and moral beliefs, but hey, to each their own, and they have every right to state whatever misguided opinions they have - as do I and any of the other Probeersel artists. I believe his exact words were 'I hope god strikes you down!' - how can that not crack you up ? But besides that, I believe religious and moralistic opposition means people take you seriously enough to pay at least a little bit of attention. Why else would they state such things ? More, more ! Call me a heathen, a sinner, the Devil himself with a Dutch passport ! As long as people actually pay attention, 'coz I believe we're all doing something interesting here.
And what do you have to lose with paying attention ? The comics are free. Hell, even the t-shirts are free, I'm paying for it all ! Just so people pay attention to what I, Gregory, Sionnain, Satan, Joep are doing. I think we're all doing fairly interesting stuff that shouldn't go by unnoticed. So please, critisize us, call us the scum of the earth, mock us, parody us... knock yourself out. It'd be a waste of my money if you guys didn't.
In any case, I had my nice peaceful day with my good old friend, who is sure to survive me and millions of other young, creatively ambitious souls to follow in my footsteps. I'm glad he calls me. He is strong, beautiful, timeless, and I'm always welcome to visit. Can't claim the same of most of my other friends - can you ?
Sunday, October 19, 2003
I am the lizard king, I can do anything...
... except draw comics.
I've done jack shit today again. Well, I did the webmaster thing as I wrote earlier (I still consider the current day Saturday even though for an hour and a half now it's been Sunday officially).
Gregory (Cathalina, creator of Probeersel.com's own daily comic God.inc) emailed me today to say he uploaded a backstash up to the 23rd - his 1 year jubileum. Good for him - and I mean that completely, good for him. 365 comics, appearing daily - I know that that's the intention with Worst Case Scenario as well, but I can barely imagine pulling it off. And he's done it at age 17. Not everyone may like his work, but I think he rocks.
I don't know what's up with me. Everything I need to do sinks away in a big pool of mental quicksand these days. I've had good excuses: first there was the heat for two months which prevented me from doing nearly anything creative. Then there was the flea outbreak - that was a whole lot of fun, too. Then I had no excuse except I was rediscovering how to have fun for a while - I'd like to thank Becks here for that. And then my head was swimming with new ideas and exciting new concepts for comics that needed to chrystallize. Well, now even that has happened. So I'm all out of excuses, I should get my thumb out of my lazy ass and start catching up with the Grim DotCom, as well as continue to build a safe backstash for Worst Case Scenario. I had the entire day to do that. But first I slept off a hangover, then I did some online Probeersel webmaster stuff, and then I went downstairs and did 2 weeks of dishes. During that I put on a dvd, and when I was done I had also planned to vacuum and then git ta drawing. No go on both plans - much to the enjoyment of my two cats who gratefully slept on their living bed. But after watching the The Doors dvd (again) I went upstairs and read Gregory's email and I feel guilty all over again.
And that's just what I needed on top of my other guilt trip: a very old friend's been calling. He wants to see me again.
Those who know me a bit better than most know I mean the sea here. I visit my friend once a year - usually around autumn, whenever he calls me. And he's been calling for over a week now, but I haven't made the time. I will have to, tomorrow. Or else I'm afraid he might not talk to me again anymore.
So don't bother me with anything tomorrow, for I won't be here. I may not go online all that day. I may not draw. I may not write. I may not even feed the cats.
I'm going to visit my old friend.
I've done jack shit today again. Well, I did the webmaster thing as I wrote earlier (I still consider the current day Saturday even though for an hour and a half now it's been Sunday officially).
Gregory (Cathalina, creator of Probeersel.com's own daily comic God.inc) emailed me today to say he uploaded a backstash up to the 23rd - his 1 year jubileum. Good for him - and I mean that completely, good for him. 365 comics, appearing daily - I know that that's the intention with Worst Case Scenario as well, but I can barely imagine pulling it off. And he's done it at age 17. Not everyone may like his work, but I think he rocks.
I don't know what's up with me. Everything I need to do sinks away in a big pool of mental quicksand these days. I've had good excuses: first there was the heat for two months which prevented me from doing nearly anything creative. Then there was the flea outbreak - that was a whole lot of fun, too. Then I had no excuse except I was rediscovering how to have fun for a while - I'd like to thank Becks here for that. And then my head was swimming with new ideas and exciting new concepts for comics that needed to chrystallize. Well, now even that has happened. So I'm all out of excuses, I should get my thumb out of my lazy ass and start catching up with the Grim DotCom, as well as continue to build a safe backstash for Worst Case Scenario. I had the entire day to do that. But first I slept off a hangover, then I did some online Probeersel webmaster stuff, and then I went downstairs and did 2 weeks of dishes. During that I put on a dvd, and when I was done I had also planned to vacuum and then git ta drawing. No go on both plans - much to the enjoyment of my two cats who gratefully slept on their living bed. But after watching the The Doors dvd (again) I went upstairs and read Gregory's email and I feel guilty all over again.
And that's just what I needed on top of my other guilt trip: a very old friend's been calling. He wants to see me again.
Those who know me a bit better than most know I mean the sea here. I visit my friend once a year - usually around autumn, whenever he calls me. And he's been calling for over a week now, but I haven't made the time. I will have to, tomorrow. Or else I'm afraid he might not talk to me again anymore.
So don't bother me with anything tomorrow, for I won't be here. I may not go online all that day. I may not draw. I may not write. I may not even feed the cats.
I'm going to visit my old friend.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Owwwww my achin' head...
Don't know how it happened exactly, but I got as drunk as I've ever been without losing conscious awareness of what I'm doing anymore, yesterday evening. And I'm paying for it right now... I'm trying to figure out how this happened, because I sure didn't drink any insane amount of booze - at least not compared to what I normally drink. I let whiskey follow after wine, which is also not a bad order, and I didn't really drink anything I'm not accustomed to - except for 'Carpe Diem'. This is some kind of weird belgian ice tea drink and when we ran out of Liptonice we ended up mixing the wiskey with Carpe Diem. I'm betting on three possibilities:
1) I was extremely tired and therefore couldn't hold my liquor compared to normal;
2) I might have caught a slight cold or flu (it sure feels like I did) which weakened me;
3) It was the Carpe Diem !! Carpe Diem is evil ! Don't seize the day !! Seizing the day is bad, hmmmkay ??
My ex Andrea keeps sending me messages on ICQ. How often do I have to delete her without response before she gets the clue that I have no desire whatsoever to speak with her again ? She said some pretty damn bad things a while back that made me realise finally that she's really changed since our breakup and she hasn't got the faintest clue anymore - if she ever did - who I am or what my motives for certain actions are. I blew up against her for that and after a - to me - nicely finalizing fight I told her to never talk to me again. Literally - and she was fine with that at that moment. But I guess her memory is full of holes or something. All this time and she still doesn't get the clue. I refuse to tell her again to get lost, either. I think I've pretty much spent my quotum of Andrea-addressed words for one lifetime. She's married now last I heard (one of her friends mistook me for someone who gives a rat's ass anymore) - can't she go bother her husband instead of me ? GET THE CLUE !! IT'S OVER !!
That's about all I had to say about that.. been doin' the webmaster thing yesterday and today so haven't updated this blog. Gonna be doin' the comic artist thing most of the rest of this weekend, that is, if I recover from this anytime soon. Should let the cats back into the house - I let them go outside earlier today because it was bright and sunny out but it's headed towards 'very cold evening' again so I want to close the door downstairs. I think it's time for a nice hot shower and then some grilled cheeses. My body craves saturated fat. My mouth waters just with the thought of it. So I'm gonna go make me some. Later folks.
1) I was extremely tired and therefore couldn't hold my liquor compared to normal;
2) I might have caught a slight cold or flu (it sure feels like I did) which weakened me;
3) It was the Carpe Diem !! Carpe Diem is evil ! Don't seize the day !! Seizing the day is bad, hmmmkay ??
My ex Andrea keeps sending me messages on ICQ. How often do I have to delete her without response before she gets the clue that I have no desire whatsoever to speak with her again ? She said some pretty damn bad things a while back that made me realise finally that she's really changed since our breakup and she hasn't got the faintest clue anymore - if she ever did - who I am or what my motives for certain actions are. I blew up against her for that and after a - to me - nicely finalizing fight I told her to never talk to me again. Literally - and she was fine with that at that moment. But I guess her memory is full of holes or something. All this time and she still doesn't get the clue. I refuse to tell her again to get lost, either. I think I've pretty much spent my quotum of Andrea-addressed words for one lifetime. She's married now last I heard (one of her friends mistook me for someone who gives a rat's ass anymore) - can't she go bother her husband instead of me ? GET THE CLUE !! IT'S OVER !!
That's about all I had to say about that.. been doin' the webmaster thing yesterday and today so haven't updated this blog. Gonna be doin' the comic artist thing most of the rest of this weekend, that is, if I recover from this anytime soon. Should let the cats back into the house - I let them go outside earlier today because it was bright and sunny out but it's headed towards 'very cold evening' again so I want to close the door downstairs. I think it's time for a nice hot shower and then some grilled cheeses. My body craves saturated fat. My mouth waters just with the thought of it. So I'm gonna go make me some. Later folks.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Ooers, titles.. let's see if this works.
Think I've by now seen most of the features of this Blogger stuff. It's pretty cool. Should brush up on my XSL knowledge so I can put a better-looking design on this blog. Not that I dislike how it looks now, though - but the experimental knowledge might help me in the technical redesign of probeersel.com, since a lot of readymade applications use XML and all.
Anywho. Luckily, this is also part of my job, so if I get any complaints about blogging from work, I can just claim I'm teaching myself XML. The downside would be that I'll be assigned a development project the minute I'd admit to know something about it, and I kind of like the smaller stuff a whole lot better than some long-term project.
I would have absolutely loved to rant now and say something very insightful but all that races through my head is 'weekend' so I won't bother now. Maybe later.
Anywho. Luckily, this is also part of my job, so if I get any complaints about blogging from work, I can just claim I'm teaching myself XML. The downside would be that I'll be assigned a development project the minute I'd admit to know something about it, and I kind of like the smaller stuff a whole lot better than some long-term project.
I would have absolutely loved to rant now and say something very insightful but all that races through my head is 'weekend' so I won't bother now. Maybe later.
I called it.. it's another insanely quiet day. Sometimes I really hate how this job can jo-jo: times of floodings of things to do, and then wham, times of dead air. Ahwell. Should probably be carpe'ing the hell out of this diem, but I feel like bitching about it.
I guess it's similar to one of my least favourite - and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this - part of commuting. Or going to a doctor (not that I'm ever ill enough). Or tons of other things with one specific quality: I hate waiting.
When you're waiting, after a while the realisation creeps up that you could be spending this time otherwise if you didn't have to wait for whatever you're waiting for. Then the thing you're waiting for becomes an object of annoyance and even hate, even though it might not be that bad in itself. It's the waiting - the knowledge that you're wasting valuable time of your life away in useless suspence. And for what ?
Ask yourself this, next time you're waiting for something: If I hate this so much, why am I doing it ? Who is making me ? Why am I waiting ? And if the answer doesn't sound INCREDIBLY stupid to you if you give it some thought, perhaps you'll find the wait less unpleasant.
Going home - or to work - is an unpleasant wait for me. It involves cutting valuable sleep time short (which is always bad, bad, evil !!) and waiting unnecessary amounts of time befure I can walk into the office. It's worth it in the sense that I often feel (kind of) useful in the office. And the commute itself isn't too bad either - as long as you're moving, it's alright. But the endless waits on perrons and bus stops - THOSE annoy the hell out of me. I'm not a car person, but at those times I can see the charm of independent transport over public transport.
And it's even worse if the day at the office is nothing but waiting for stuff to do. My talents for wasting my life away don't limit themselves to the office environment - I can do that just fine at home, too.
Ahwell. Only about 7 more hours of waiting, then I can commute home and do just that.
I guess it's similar to one of my least favourite - and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this - part of commuting. Or going to a doctor (not that I'm ever ill enough). Or tons of other things with one specific quality: I hate waiting.
When you're waiting, after a while the realisation creeps up that you could be spending this time otherwise if you didn't have to wait for whatever you're waiting for. Then the thing you're waiting for becomes an object of annoyance and even hate, even though it might not be that bad in itself. It's the waiting - the knowledge that you're wasting valuable time of your life away in useless suspence. And for what ?
Ask yourself this, next time you're waiting for something: If I hate this so much, why am I doing it ? Who is making me ? Why am I waiting ? And if the answer doesn't sound INCREDIBLY stupid to you if you give it some thought, perhaps you'll find the wait less unpleasant.
Going home - or to work - is an unpleasant wait for me. It involves cutting valuable sleep time short (which is always bad, bad, evil !!) and waiting unnecessary amounts of time befure I can walk into the office. It's worth it in the sense that I often feel (kind of) useful in the office. And the commute itself isn't too bad either - as long as you're moving, it's alright. But the endless waits on perrons and bus stops - THOSE annoy the hell out of me. I'm not a car person, but at those times I can see the charm of independent transport over public transport.
And it's even worse if the day at the office is nothing but waiting for stuff to do. My talents for wasting my life away don't limit themselves to the office environment - I can do that just fine at home, too.
Ahwell. Only about 7 more hours of waiting, then I can commute home and do just that.
Coffee.. sweet, steamy caffeine...
Stayed up kinda late last night and watched Ed Wood on DVD. What can I say ? Tim Burton remains one of the most brilliant directors of our time - and the fact that he chose to make a film about the worst moviemaker of all times makes this a terribly ironic fact. The movie continues to captivate me, which is odd because I can't say what's so engaging about it. I mean, it's all a bit too grotesquely sugercoated and the acting seems old-fashioned (which MUST have been part of the concept - we're not exactly talking about a cast devoid of talent, after all) and so it seems more of a parody, but at the same time it's not really funny either. So you end up watching this drama and have no clue why it was so fascinating to watch.
I have a bit of a clue of what might have helped: Burton. Whatever movie he does, he always succeeds to create these amazing settings and visualisations. No matter how bad a story might be, if you tell it beautifully, it will still fascinate people. Or, in the case of Wood, even if you tell it badly. Hey, does this mean that as long as you tell a story it will fascinate people ?? There's hope for my comics yet...
A colleague walked in today and the first thing he said was 'I found the reasoning error in your truth table'. I HATE THAT DOORS RIDDLE !! (Besides, he didn't. He thought I had taken the situation of remaining in place / switching as 50 / 50, and I didn't. I simply logically mapped out all possible situations - how hard is this for people to grasp ??)
It's quiet in the office yet again. It's been a quiet week all week. I would rather be working than updating this blog or drawing comics, but when there's nothing to do, what are my options ? I need to do SOMETHING to distract my mind from concluding that doing nothing is a task also perfectly accomplishable at home.
But ahwell. It's nearly week-end again. Oh, I didn't mention that yet, did I ? I only work four days a week: Mondays - Thursdays. Then again, Probeersel.com is a part-time job (and doesn't pay a dime - not that I'd want it to) on top of it, so I figure I'm making more than my share of contribution to this world. I have no qualms whatsoever about 'only' working four days a week and getting payed very nicely for that, and then even drawing comics or updating site stuff at work when there's nothing else for me to do.
Anyway, better finish this post and get to pretending to work. René out.
Stayed up kinda late last night and watched Ed Wood on DVD. What can I say ? Tim Burton remains one of the most brilliant directors of our time - and the fact that he chose to make a film about the worst moviemaker of all times makes this a terribly ironic fact. The movie continues to captivate me, which is odd because I can't say what's so engaging about it. I mean, it's all a bit too grotesquely sugercoated and the acting seems old-fashioned (which MUST have been part of the concept - we're not exactly talking about a cast devoid of talent, after all) and so it seems more of a parody, but at the same time it's not really funny either. So you end up watching this drama and have no clue why it was so fascinating to watch.
I have a bit of a clue of what might have helped: Burton. Whatever movie he does, he always succeeds to create these amazing settings and visualisations. No matter how bad a story might be, if you tell it beautifully, it will still fascinate people. Or, in the case of Wood, even if you tell it badly. Hey, does this mean that as long as you tell a story it will fascinate people ?? There's hope for my comics yet...
A colleague walked in today and the first thing he said was 'I found the reasoning error in your truth table'. I HATE THAT DOORS RIDDLE !! (Besides, he didn't. He thought I had taken the situation of remaining in place / switching as 50 / 50, and I didn't. I simply logically mapped out all possible situations - how hard is this for people to grasp ??)
It's quiet in the office yet again. It's been a quiet week all week. I would rather be working than updating this blog or drawing comics, but when there's nothing to do, what are my options ? I need to do SOMETHING to distract my mind from concluding that doing nothing is a task also perfectly accomplishable at home.
But ahwell. It's nearly week-end again. Oh, I didn't mention that yet, did I ? I only work four days a week: Mondays - Thursdays. Then again, Probeersel.com is a part-time job (and doesn't pay a dime - not that I'd want it to) on top of it, so I figure I'm making more than my share of contribution to this world. I have no qualms whatsoever about 'only' working four days a week and getting payed very nicely for that, and then even drawing comics or updating site stuff at work when there's nothing else for me to do.
Anyway, better finish this post and get to pretending to work. René out.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Soon I'm catching my train home.
I realise most journals and logs start 'on the fly' and you never really figure out what the writer is referring to when he/she talks about stuff from their personal life. So I'll attempt to be complete, for those few of you that might be reading this that don't actually know me.
I work in Amsterdam. If the Netherlands can be resembled to a running man or animal (and it kind of can) then Amsterdam is like a zit on its shoulder. I live in Tilburg. That's kind of the anus. Even though it's not exactly the largest distance there is in the world to commute, it's still the other side of the country and it's a pretty long train ride.
But I'm not complaining. I can catch up on my sleep, or read, or even draw; I've mastered the art of drawing in moving vehicles. It's not easy, but with a little concentration it can be done quite well.
Why - people ask me often enough - would I want to work that far away from home ? Because I have the kind of job I've always dreamed of. I am a webdesigner, in a department full of reasonably creative, and far from bureaucratic, geeks, and my job is dead easy. It pays reasonably, which takes care of the necessity of paying rent, and the bills for Probeersel.com. Besides that, there's usually room for a few jokes, pranks and laughs, and often I can use whatever 'spare' time I get during the day to keep an eye on any probeersel.com related e-mail or draw (parts of) comics. This saves me a lot of time - which, however, is a meager compensation to the time the commute steals from me on a daily basis.
If I could have the exact same situation closer to home, that'd be pretty damn ideal. But I'm really not complaining. It's a matter of being flexible with your time and finding your own balances and routines, if you master those it's a good life no matter what happens. And I'm pretty sure I'd miss these folks if/when I ever go work anywhere else.
Kinda sure.
A bit sure.
Ok, odds are, I'll get restraining orders when I quit so they won't be allowed to visit or get anywhere near me. And I'll change my phone number. And I might hire a hit man to make extra sure I never hear from them again. Oops, did I type that out loud ?
The last ten minutes of my day have arrived. Later folks.
I realise most journals and logs start 'on the fly' and you never really figure out what the writer is referring to when he/she talks about stuff from their personal life. So I'll attempt to be complete, for those few of you that might be reading this that don't actually know me.
I work in Amsterdam. If the Netherlands can be resembled to a running man or animal (and it kind of can) then Amsterdam is like a zit on its shoulder. I live in Tilburg. That's kind of the anus. Even though it's not exactly the largest distance there is in the world to commute, it's still the other side of the country and it's a pretty long train ride.
But I'm not complaining. I can catch up on my sleep, or read, or even draw; I've mastered the art of drawing in moving vehicles. It's not easy, but with a little concentration it can be done quite well.
Why - people ask me often enough - would I want to work that far away from home ? Because I have the kind of job I've always dreamed of. I am a webdesigner, in a department full of reasonably creative, and far from bureaucratic, geeks, and my job is dead easy. It pays reasonably, which takes care of the necessity of paying rent, and the bills for Probeersel.com. Besides that, there's usually room for a few jokes, pranks and laughs, and often I can use whatever 'spare' time I get during the day to keep an eye on any probeersel.com related e-mail or draw (parts of) comics. This saves me a lot of time - which, however, is a meager compensation to the time the commute steals from me on a daily basis.
If I could have the exact same situation closer to home, that'd be pretty damn ideal. But I'm really not complaining. It's a matter of being flexible with your time and finding your own balances and routines, if you master those it's a good life no matter what happens. And I'm pretty sure I'd miss these folks if/when I ever go work anywhere else.
Kinda sure.
A bit sure.
Ok, odds are, I'll get restraining orders when I quit so they won't be allowed to visit or get anywhere near me. And I'll change my phone number. And I might hire a hit man to make extra sure I never hear from them again. Oops, did I type that out loud ?
The last ten minutes of my day have arrived. Later folks.
It's sunny out. And it's cold enough in this country by now for the temperature to be very nice if I were outside now. But I'm trapped here for another hour and a half. I hate corporate environments.
I wish I was at home right now. Half asleep in bed with my two cats, Satan and Damien, slumping over me.
They're cute. And - though no offence to my coworkers - a hell of a lot more fun to hang around with than this serious-looking bunch.
Excuse me for a moment, I think I'll go throw some tennis balls at colleagues. Maybe the day will pass more quickly then.
I wish I was at home right now. Half asleep in bed with my two cats, Satan and Damien, slumping over me.
They're cute. And - though no offence to my coworkers - a hell of a lot more fun to hang around with than this serious-looking bunch.
Excuse me for a moment, I think I'll go throw some tennis balls at colleagues. Maybe the day will pass more quickly then.
One more thing...
Whoever came up with that stupid 'riddle' about the gameshow with the three doors (one is the right door, you don't know which one; you choose one and then the quiz master removes one and allows you to either switch to the other remaining one or stick with your first choice; what are the odds in situation two ? should you switch or not ?) should be shot. I work in an I.T. deparment and I'm fed up with that riddle being revived every other damn month or so. Especially since I ended up making a truth table which logically analysed every possible start situation and second choice and whatnot. And guess what ? It's friggin' 50%. That's right, the whole 66% theory is bogus. Yes, if you view it only from the situation "IF I switch, out of three start situations there's only one situation that I lose: if I start out in front of the correct door", then yes, 66% win chance. But you're looking at the situation the wrong way then, since there is more than three situations here. The removal of one door creates a number of new situations - even if you take into account that if you're in front of a wrong door, there's only one possible door that can be removed (the other wrong one). It's 50% win/lose chance.
And as far as I'm concerned, that's that. I don't buy the other explanation because it's a short-sighted view at the situation. But when you're surrounded by geeks, this discussion pops up ENDLESSLY, time and time again. Like an active volcano. It annoys the hell out of me.
So if anyone knows who started this nonsense question, let me know. I figure wiping this bastard off the face of the earth is a favour to mankind and would be worth a few years in jail.
René out.
Whoever came up with that stupid 'riddle' about the gameshow with the three doors (one is the right door, you don't know which one; you choose one and then the quiz master removes one and allows you to either switch to the other remaining one or stick with your first choice; what are the odds in situation two ? should you switch or not ?) should be shot. I work in an I.T. deparment and I'm fed up with that riddle being revived every other damn month or so. Especially since I ended up making a truth table which logically analysed every possible start situation and second choice and whatnot. And guess what ? It's friggin' 50%. That's right, the whole 66% theory is bogus. Yes, if you view it only from the situation "IF I switch, out of three start situations there's only one situation that I lose: if I start out in front of the correct door", then yes, 66% win chance. But you're looking at the situation the wrong way then, since there is more than three situations here. The removal of one door creates a number of new situations - even if you take into account that if you're in front of a wrong door, there's only one possible door that can be removed (the other wrong one). It's 50% win/lose chance.
And as far as I'm concerned, that's that. I don't buy the other explanation because it's a short-sighted view at the situation. But when you're surrounded by geeks, this discussion pops up ENDLESSLY, time and time again. Like an active volcano. It annoys the hell out of me.
So if anyone knows who started this nonsense question, let me know. I figure wiping this bastard off the face of the earth is a favour to mankind and would be worth a few years in jail.
René out.
Blogspot.com's slow in connecting from work today. Which sucks because I have jack shit to do right now. Luckily, I can update through blogger.com and that connects reasonably well, so here goes.
Can I just say: I hate people's priorities.
No, war is not important. No, money is not important. No, the economy is not important. (This coming from a guy who works for a large worldwide financial company)
No, computers, technology, routers, code/hacking tricks, ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
No, the fact that you can't update your damn department's website's third word of the fifth paragraph on the third page under the second menu item right now because Documentum WebPublisher (what our web department supplies to the rest of the company) is sluggish, IS NOT IMPORTANT. We'll fix it for you, but for the love of God and anything else holy that I don't believe in, quit taking it all so DAMN seriously !!!
You are not your job. You are not your paycheck. I don't REALLY want to regurgitate Fight Club here, but it's true. You are not your high bandwith connection. You are not your collection of a gazillion movies you don't watch but downloaded because otherwise it's a waste of your 24h/day connection to the web. You are not the deadline for your department's annual figures being published on the damn intranet.
I more often than not find myself wanting to smack people over the head and getting them to think about the shit they talk about. Who cares if you're 'nearly broke' because you only have a few hundred bucks in your bank account anymore ? Who cares if you're 'starving' because you haven't eaten anything in three whole hours ? Who cares if you can't get a girlfriend because it's been DAYS since your last one night stand ? Who cares you're having the 'worst morning ever' because you got drunk on a working day's evening ? Get a grip...
But those are just the 'Egoverse' people. Those who define their universe in terms of taking out their trash, paying their rent, and watching Leno or whatever. I can't really blame them, as you can't blame a homeless, dying junky for being high instead of 'facing reality'. Escapism is perfectly ok - I'll explain in a short bit why I say that.
What I *do* have a problem with is people who take everything so damn serious. Religious freaks. Accountants. Lawyers. I.T. geeks. Movie buffs. Comic book collectors / trivia buffs. Managers so high up in big corporate culture - they all forgot what it's like to be a human being and transposed their definition of self onto something outside themselves, something they elevate to a godlike status because it is now the Most Important Thing In The World.
Now, before I continue, I must admit to the appearance of a big level of hypocricy here. My entire life I've been an excessive escapist. It's my very nature to not feel remotely comitted to this reality, and whenever I can, I drift off into any reality my mind finds itself in. Every day is like being drunk when you're me - thousands of things happen, you meet the weirdest people, everyone's bothering you for something, and then sleep. And so goes another day and another and another. And you're walking through it like a dream, watching, wondering, but somehow a bit distanced from it all and unable to quite take it seriously.
At the same time, I'm a workaholic. Especially when it comes to my comics. I take comics extremely seriously: they've ruined my life, one might even say. I can't keep a 'normal', healthy relationship because finding a woman that has peace with the idea of always being second priority after 'my art' makes a needle in a haystack seem like a three second chore on a sunday afternoon in the sun. Every life decision I make revolves around my comics, and I've often been accused of not being able to discuss any topic without the word 'comics' or 'strips' entering in somewhere. I sincerely can't help myself there - as I'm sure I'll bring up again in this blog sometime, the Probeersel Quintology lies at the heart of this problem and stems from a sense of fate. I believe I was put here to draw those five books, and say what I had to say, primarily. It's - to a limit - beyond my control: when my drawing hand itches or an idea pops into my head, drawing takes priority over eating, sleeping, bathroom breaks, everything.
Not only do these two traits make me seem paradoxical right now, they obviously clash with my previous statements. However, let me try and make a bit more sense of it so you'll see my final point.
I already made it clear that both qualities I highlighted about myself are somewhat beyond my control and part of my nature. But obviously I can't use that as an excuse - I believe every part of one's nature can be controlled if enough effort is put into it. But here's how they make sense: I do NOT put the major importance of my existance onto something external. Even though the Probeersel books may seem so, they are physical manifestations of my INTERNAL urge to express something I felt - with all of my being - that needed to be said. I put a large amount of importance onto 'spreading the word' on these comics, and several other comics, for one simple reason: they are all, without exception, new and interesting examples of the 'ninth' art. And art is also not per se what matters, but another example of what does: self expression. Venturing 'out' into your own self. exploring what it is to be human, to be alive, in any way possible. You only have one life, people ! Do you really want to waste that away in chastity in service of some higher being of which you may or may not have any idea exists and rely on other people's written-down ideas on how to serve this being ? Do you really want to waste it away on gathering pieces of shiney metal that only represent power because someone got it into their minds once that it does ? Do you really want to live in the same crummy house your entire life because some corporation keeps launching gadgets and fooling you into 'needing' them ? I can go on forever, but let's face it, if you quit taking the things that govern your life so damn seriously for a moment, I'm sure you can think of your own examples.
So stop taking the 'outside world' so seriously. It's been built by people who also had the wrong priorities, and it's a miracle that something like art, philosophy, literature, music, travel and such explorations of the human essence and self still exist, because the way it's constructed, it teaches us endlessly to not take any of THOSE things too seriously. Turn the table around. Make it important to be human again.
If this is too hard to do rightaway, start small. Take short bits of time off your 'important job' to surf the web for anything that may interest you. Explore who you are. Start taking interesting vacations to places you've never been before. Take risks. Try new things. Visit museums. Read new books by people you've never read anything of. Watch new movies. You only have one life. For the love of anything worth loving, isn't it about time we start living it to the fullest ?
René out.
Can I just say: I hate people's priorities.
No, war is not important. No, money is not important. No, the economy is not important. (This coming from a guy who works for a large worldwide financial company)
No, computers, technology, routers, code/hacking tricks, ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
No, the fact that you can't update your damn department's website's third word of the fifth paragraph on the third page under the second menu item right now because Documentum WebPublisher (what our web department supplies to the rest of the company) is sluggish, IS NOT IMPORTANT. We'll fix it for you, but for the love of God and anything else holy that I don't believe in, quit taking it all so DAMN seriously !!!
You are not your job. You are not your paycheck. I don't REALLY want to regurgitate Fight Club here, but it's true. You are not your high bandwith connection. You are not your collection of a gazillion movies you don't watch but downloaded because otherwise it's a waste of your 24h/day connection to the web. You are not the deadline for your department's annual figures being published on the damn intranet.
I more often than not find myself wanting to smack people over the head and getting them to think about the shit they talk about. Who cares if you're 'nearly broke' because you only have a few hundred bucks in your bank account anymore ? Who cares if you're 'starving' because you haven't eaten anything in three whole hours ? Who cares if you can't get a girlfriend because it's been DAYS since your last one night stand ? Who cares you're having the 'worst morning ever' because you got drunk on a working day's evening ? Get a grip...
But those are just the 'Egoverse' people. Those who define their universe in terms of taking out their trash, paying their rent, and watching Leno or whatever. I can't really blame them, as you can't blame a homeless, dying junky for being high instead of 'facing reality'. Escapism is perfectly ok - I'll explain in a short bit why I say that.
What I *do* have a problem with is people who take everything so damn serious. Religious freaks. Accountants. Lawyers. I.T. geeks. Movie buffs. Comic book collectors / trivia buffs. Managers so high up in big corporate culture - they all forgot what it's like to be a human being and transposed their definition of self onto something outside themselves, something they elevate to a godlike status because it is now the Most Important Thing In The World.
Now, before I continue, I must admit to the appearance of a big level of hypocricy here. My entire life I've been an excessive escapist. It's my very nature to not feel remotely comitted to this reality, and whenever I can, I drift off into any reality my mind finds itself in. Every day is like being drunk when you're me - thousands of things happen, you meet the weirdest people, everyone's bothering you for something, and then sleep. And so goes another day and another and another. And you're walking through it like a dream, watching, wondering, but somehow a bit distanced from it all and unable to quite take it seriously.
At the same time, I'm a workaholic. Especially when it comes to my comics. I take comics extremely seriously: they've ruined my life, one might even say. I can't keep a 'normal', healthy relationship because finding a woman that has peace with the idea of always being second priority after 'my art' makes a needle in a haystack seem like a three second chore on a sunday afternoon in the sun. Every life decision I make revolves around my comics, and I've often been accused of not being able to discuss any topic without the word 'comics' or 'strips' entering in somewhere. I sincerely can't help myself there - as I'm sure I'll bring up again in this blog sometime, the Probeersel Quintology lies at the heart of this problem and stems from a sense of fate. I believe I was put here to draw those five books, and say what I had to say, primarily. It's - to a limit - beyond my control: when my drawing hand itches or an idea pops into my head, drawing takes priority over eating, sleeping, bathroom breaks, everything.
Not only do these two traits make me seem paradoxical right now, they obviously clash with my previous statements. However, let me try and make a bit more sense of it so you'll see my final point.
I already made it clear that both qualities I highlighted about myself are somewhat beyond my control and part of my nature. But obviously I can't use that as an excuse - I believe every part of one's nature can be controlled if enough effort is put into it. But here's how they make sense: I do NOT put the major importance of my existance onto something external. Even though the Probeersel books may seem so, they are physical manifestations of my INTERNAL urge to express something I felt - with all of my being - that needed to be said. I put a large amount of importance onto 'spreading the word' on these comics, and several other comics, for one simple reason: they are all, without exception, new and interesting examples of the 'ninth' art. And art is also not per se what matters, but another example of what does: self expression. Venturing 'out' into your own self. exploring what it is to be human, to be alive, in any way possible. You only have one life, people ! Do you really want to waste that away in chastity in service of some higher being of which you may or may not have any idea exists and rely on other people's written-down ideas on how to serve this being ? Do you really want to waste it away on gathering pieces of shiney metal that only represent power because someone got it into their minds once that it does ? Do you really want to live in the same crummy house your entire life because some corporation keeps launching gadgets and fooling you into 'needing' them ? I can go on forever, but let's face it, if you quit taking the things that govern your life so damn seriously for a moment, I'm sure you can think of your own examples.
So stop taking the 'outside world' so seriously. It's been built by people who also had the wrong priorities, and it's a miracle that something like art, philosophy, literature, music, travel and such explorations of the human essence and self still exist, because the way it's constructed, it teaches us endlessly to not take any of THOSE things too seriously. Turn the table around. Make it important to be human again.
If this is too hard to do rightaway, start small. Take short bits of time off your 'important job' to surf the web for anything that may interest you. Explore who you are. Start taking interesting vacations to places you've never been before. Take risks. Try new things. Visit museums. Read new books by people you've never read anything of. Watch new movies. You only have one life. For the love of anything worth loving, isn't it about time we start living it to the fullest ?
René out.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Well, I finally did it: I am now also part of the blogging, webjournalling, whatnot online community. I started my own blog.
I'm René van Densen, Dutch, webcomic artist on www.probeersel.com and I'm not gonna pretend I have anything interesting to say. I am, however, going to rant, bitch and complain all over the place, coz I'm just that kind of guy.
So if you're actually interested in what a 25 year old comic artist has to say about himself, his life and the world... well, you're nuts, really. But that's ok. Plenty of cages in this zoo we call Earth. So keep reading.
If you couldn't give a rats ass about what I have to say, hey, no one told you to read this. Go do whatever other insignificant stuff you were going to do instead of peeking in my blog. go. shoo.
Let the nonsense commence.
I'm René van Densen, Dutch, webcomic artist on www.probeersel.com and I'm not gonna pretend I have anything interesting to say. I am, however, going to rant, bitch and complain all over the place, coz I'm just that kind of guy.
So if you're actually interested in what a 25 year old comic artist has to say about himself, his life and the world... well, you're nuts, really. But that's ok. Plenty of cages in this zoo we call Earth. So keep reading.
If you couldn't give a rats ass about what I have to say, hey, no one told you to read this. Go do whatever other insignificant stuff you were going to do instead of peeking in my blog. go. shoo.
Let the nonsense commence.
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